Sky diving

I am afraid of falling.

This is different than a fear of heights. I can easily get on a plane or be on top of a tall building as long as I am surrounded by glass or have a high railing. But when you put me on the edge of a cliff I tend to freak out. During orientation, our dean told us about the Goizueta tradition of skydiving, he even showed a video of his experience which I could barely watch as I saw him fall out the aircraft into nothingness. This is how we are supposed to embrace the core value of Courage.

Knowing that I hated even the thought of the experience, I knew there would be no other time that I would be surrounded by such supportive people again and that was the only way I would be able to do it. I grabbed one of my friends and ran up to the dean's office where we signed up together.

About 3 weeks passed and I had almost forgotten about my commitment until my friend reminded me the night before. I had a few drinks that night. We woke up at 6 and four of us made the 1.5 hour journey in early morning silence. When we arrived we had to wait several hours for the fog to clear while more Goizuetans started arriving. During this time it still hadn't hit me that I was going skydiving. It only hit me when the sky finally cleared and our names showed up on the ready board. It was time to get suited up!

As my trainer helped me into the harness I noticed my breathing quicken. Some of my fellow Goizuetans joked around with me to keep my mind off of what I was doing and the next thing I knew I was in the airplane being interviewed by the person who would film my jump. The plane ride was not bad, just a plane ride with someone strapped to your back and a big clear window in the back of the plane that could open up.

And open up it freaking did!!! All of a sudden people were putting on goggles and they rolled up the door exposing a giant hole in the side of the plane. Then several single jumpers started flinging themselves out as I watched in horror as their little bodies flew away and became very, very small, very, very quickly. I was breathing heavily and could not stop screaming, "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" This was going to happen.

My trainer told me to kneel down so he could walk over the door since we were attached - the request to kneel down sounded earily like an execution. He waddled us over to the door and my videographer stepped outside, hanging on to a little handle. I was sure I was going to be the first fatality, not from falling, but from a heart attack. I cringed as we got to the edge and then he leaned forward and we started falling.

TERROR. TERROR. TERROR.

I thought it would initially feel like falling and then feel more like floating. No. It felt like horrible, terrifying falling the ENTIRE TIME. I screamed for awhile and then clenched my teeth in an effort to smile at the videographer who, like some surreal pixie, was floating in front of me supported by an unseen hand. "Please, please let the chute open and PLEASE let me stay attached to my trainer!!!" My worst fear was that the chute would open, my trainer would be yanked up to a stop, and I would disconnect and continue falling to my death. I was imagining how sad my mother would be, how horrible it would be for my friends when suddenly I jerked upward like a little doll and it was quiet. We were floating and I had made it.

After we landed I could not stop shaking for an hour and had a hard time catching my breath. Even later that evening when I put on the movie, my heart and breath quickened as I watched myself do the unthinkable.

Although I am still deathly afraid of falling and do NOT think the experience was "fun" as most everyone else does, I am proud that I pushed myself to do it and know that there is no way I could have done it without the support of my classmates. This is what I love most about Goizueta, everyone is committed to help you breakthrough your boundaries and help you achieve what you thought was impossible. Thanks to everyone who helped me make it through!

Ben Eugrin
2-year full-time MBA
Class of 2008